Welcome to The Cranky Guide
New title, better newsletter
Bid adieu to The Cranky Guide to Writing, and say hola to The Cranky Guide. After six years of branding my newsletter as a guide to all us schmucks trying to make it as a writer, I’ve decided to marginally shift my focus to write about how I, the Uber Schmuck, is forging an unbound, nomadic, creative life so you can too! Or maybe you already are and just want to follow a kindred spirit. Or maybe you have no intention of doing so cause you love a 401(k) and a mortgage, but like my writing. Whatever it is, I’m glad you’re here.
Most of the cadence of the newsletter will remain largely the same. The name change simply reflects more accurately the newsletter’s current state. While it started as a way to recount my journey as a freelancer to friends after I was laid off from my last office job, it now includes more musings on my life. It has become increasingly difficult for me to separate my non-traditional professional path from my non-traditional life path. Maybe you’ve noticed that too, with every travelogue and random live lit essay I’ve published. The exclusive focus on writing is feeling small and restrictive, and I’ve always enjoyed my newsletter as a space to be expansive and boundless, especially when so many established paths to publications make that difficult.
Not to get too gross and pretentious, but I now consider my life as an entire creative project that rejects most traditional markers of adulthood. Divorce may be the It Trend of 2024, but I’ve been raving about its delights for the past decade, when I left my marriage at 32 and decided to never do that again LOL. Not long after, I began admitting to the world that I had no desire to have kids, ever. After a lifetime of truly believing I was damaged if I couldn’t find a singular city to live in forever, I overcame that dumb thought with the help of therapy and realized I quite enjoyed hopping from one location to the next—the way I was raised, so maybe I’m more aligned to tradition than I think. Though I reserve the right to change my mind about any of these things, I become more of a misfit with each passing year.
I did not emerge from the ICU wishing I had a family and a white picket fence. I emerged thinking I never wanted to be tied down to a lease or a relationship again.
My quest for freedom borders on the extreme and I would never tell anyone that my choices are right for everyone. But given that capitalism has failed us, governments have failed us, religions have failed us, the housing market has failed us, almost every traditional form of partnership has failed us, and, fuck it, even this last season of Vanderpump Rules failed to live up to the hype, I see more people pushing back against the shoulds. And I want to share what pushing back against most shoulds looks like when you are a woman in your 40s who has never held a media staff job, can’t turn to a secret trustfund, or rely on her partner’s health insurance. And yet she persists in trying to live a creative life.
Hence, The Cranky Guide. To what? To everything. To nothing.
Before you jump ship, let me explain what will and will not change in the newsletter.
Free subscribers still get 1-2 essays on freelancing, writing, creativity, and other musings per month, as well as the Less Cranky round-ups at the end of each month.
Paid subscribers still get posts where I share my pitches/applications/templates & spreadsheets/etc., the Back on My Bullsh**t travelogues, a link to the weekly Cranky Guide Writing Hour, and access to the entire archive. Posts go behind a paywall after a year but paid subscribers will never understand that pain LOL. They get it all, whenever, wherever. While most personal essays will be free, I might occasionally choose to make them exclusive to subscribers if they involve my very, very, personal life—aka relationships, sex, dating, what-the-fuckery, tragedies, unpopular opinions. Anything that could bring great shame to the family name. Sorry, mom!
That’s really all it is! The full rebrand goes live the week of June 3. I’m taking a break from newsletter duties from May 24 to June 9 to celebrate my birthday and enjoy my last week in New York City.
In the meantime, as a token of my appreciation, and as a way to keep my birthday partying going, I’m offering 25% off annual subscriptions FOREVER. Your subscription price is locked in at the reduced rate, no matter how many times I raise prices (if I ever do). You have until June 3 to redeem the discount.
I hope you keep reading, whether as a free or paid subscriber. It’s only going to get crankier LOL.
What I’m Reading
I’m frantically ripping through the half-finished books on my (now gone) nightstand. This month, I finally made my way through Anthony Bourdain’s Medium Raw, which I found to be a darker version of his other work, and Goodbye to All That: Writers on Loving and (Leaving) New York, which is very on the nose for my current state of mind. It is 100% validating my decision to flee.
What I’m Watching
I saw two excellent movies this past month. The documentary Four Daughters is one of the best films I’ve seen all year, unlike any other movie I’ve seen in a while. It was unflinching, emotional, thought-provoking, and valiant. Women truly go through so much shit in this world. Also, it was kind of funny? Olaf and her daughters have an excellent sense of humor.
I also saw The Squid and the Whale, which I truly, genuinely enjoyed. But, also, moneyed, semi-intellectual Brooklynites have been writing the same story about divorce since 2005 (at least) and given that it takes place in the 80s, well… you do the math.
What I’m Listening
Paramore is one of those bands that I thought was an urban legend because I can never ever remember any of their songs and I associate them with Bible Camp kids from the 2010s—a demographic I have zero contact with. But I looove this song. I don’t know how it snuck into my playlist, but there it shall remain.
What I’m Downloading
No new podcasts this month! I’m rotating my usual: The Slowdown, The Viall Files, Wiser than Me, and Normal Gossip.
Shameless Self-Promotion
Perhaps the strangest request I’ve ever made BUT: I’m looking for house-sitting/pet-sitting opportunities in NYC and Chicago for August and September. I’m also open to scoping out other locations at other times, so if you need someone to take care of Fluffy while you’re away, let me know.
Menopause! It’s all the rage! If you haven’t had a chance yet, please read my Q&A with Dr. Lisa Larkin on taking birth control during perimenopause for Gloria. Paid subscribers can read my pitch and check out the rate info.
Hit me with your June-August assignments! I’m still looking for more work in these areas:
Overseeing Spanish-language recording sessions. I really miss it!
Editorial/long-form work especially for universities, trade publications or non-profits.
Journalistic and other media translation, including slogans, radio spots, subtitles, etc.
Interview-based pieces. Think About Me sections, profiles, internal reports, etc.
Half-hour, virtual Tarot readings are back on! The suggested donation is $40. Books yours here.
Take a look at my Poshmark closet or, if you’re in the NYC area, email me if you’re interested in any of these items and want more info:
Espresso machine
Ladder wooden bookcase
Thanks to all my new minty-fresh subscribers! Your support means a lot. I hope to see you soon in my weekly virtual write-ins. Interested in joining? Upgrade for the invite and access other benefits like samples of my pitches, freelance templates, and perks like city guides.