But also don’t hate me for being one of those parents who has become more open to the world around me since the birth of my daughter. Not that I would ever say it is a 180 from where I was, more like you said a continued evolution of the path I was already traveling down.
But…I honestly don’t know that as a Jew that my eyes would have opened regarding Gaza like they did, if I hadn’t watched in horror from a NICU in Evanston while they tried to evacuarte NICU babies in Gaza. I completely identified with those Palestinian parents who just wanted to bring their children into the world safely and my entire outlook about nearly all aspects of my religion, my community, and Israel haven’t been the same since.
That said, everyone’s parenting experience is different and I’m sure my wife wouldn’t claim to be experiencing anything like what I’ve experienced so far, even though everything else about our experience is pretty similar (I can’t say the same cause she had to recover from birthing a baby and losing a gallbladder). I’ll have to ask her (when she’s done trying to put the baby down) how she feels about it. I’m sure it’ll be an interesting conversation.
Haha, I’d never hate you over that but I’m also not surprised that your reaction to becoming a parent taps and expands your existing compassion for others 😉
I admit I only have time to skim your writing lately, but this is a super interesting piece! We took in our first long-term foster placement at the end of February, and the one thing parenting has changed for me is zapping away all my personal time. Rare for me to be on Substack/the internet nowadays, but I think that's more to do with my daughter being a teenager with developmental disabilities who can't be left alone than just having a kid.
And I don't think I've developed more compassion or empathy since I've always had a lot of that. I mean, I listen to people talk about their loneliness and suicidal thoughts for half my day. So I don't think I've improved. On the other hand, I do think I've developed new perspectives on the world since fostering, and being a mom has taught me that it's not as horrible as I thought it would be, lol. I was pretty opposed to mothering before and had, I must admit, an aversion to the word, but now I actually like having a daughter. I'm not sure I'd like it as much if I'd had to raise her from ages 0-13, but at 14, I love her. And I love being loved by her.
I love this. Before I found out having a biological child was not going to be in the cards for me, I believed all that malarkey they’re trying to shove down women’s throats. How foolish I was.
As I told my mom a few years after waving goodbye to my uterus and its suburbs, “The best thing I ever did for my children was not to have them.”
I wish I had a clearer, straightforward explanation for not wanting them but it’s really a decision that feels very natural to me in the same way that it feels very natural for other people to want kids. Having said that, I was always a little afraid that I’d end up resenting them. I don’t thrive in conditions that limit my freedom lol (see: every relationship I’ve ever had). So I totally get the sentiment behind what you told your mom
❤️ for reading Megan’s book and ❤️ for your being in Chicago soon. 😁
But also don’t hate me for being one of those parents who has become more open to the world around me since the birth of my daughter. Not that I would ever say it is a 180 from where I was, more like you said a continued evolution of the path I was already traveling down.
But…I honestly don’t know that as a Jew that my eyes would have opened regarding Gaza like they did, if I hadn’t watched in horror from a NICU in Evanston while they tried to evacuarte NICU babies in Gaza. I completely identified with those Palestinian parents who just wanted to bring their children into the world safely and my entire outlook about nearly all aspects of my religion, my community, and Israel haven’t been the same since.
That said, everyone’s parenting experience is different and I’m sure my wife wouldn’t claim to be experiencing anything like what I’ve experienced so far, even though everything else about our experience is pretty similar (I can’t say the same cause she had to recover from birthing a baby and losing a gallbladder). I’ll have to ask her (when she’s done trying to put the baby down) how she feels about it. I’m sure it’ll be an interesting conversation.
Haha, I’d never hate you over that but I’m also not surprised that your reaction to becoming a parent taps and expands your existing compassion for others 😉
My sister is totally the Karen you described here though. It’s pretty sad.
I admit I only have time to skim your writing lately, but this is a super interesting piece! We took in our first long-term foster placement at the end of February, and the one thing parenting has changed for me is zapping away all my personal time. Rare for me to be on Substack/the internet nowadays, but I think that's more to do with my daughter being a teenager with developmental disabilities who can't be left alone than just having a kid.
And I don't think I've developed more compassion or empathy since I've always had a lot of that. I mean, I listen to people talk about their loneliness and suicidal thoughts for half my day. So I don't think I've improved. On the other hand, I do think I've developed new perspectives on the world since fostering, and being a mom has taught me that it's not as horrible as I thought it would be, lol. I was pretty opposed to mothering before and had, I must admit, an aversion to the word, but now I actually like having a daughter. I'm not sure I'd like it as much if I'd had to raise her from ages 0-13, but at 14, I love her. And I love being loved by her.
This is such a wonderful perspective! Your daughter is lucky to have you 🥹
Thank you!
I love this. Before I found out having a biological child was not going to be in the cards for me, I believed all that malarkey they’re trying to shove down women’s throats. How foolish I was.
As I told my mom a few years after waving goodbye to my uterus and its suburbs, “The best thing I ever did for my children was not to have them.”
I wish I had a clearer, straightforward explanation for not wanting them but it’s really a decision that feels very natural to me in the same way that it feels very natural for other people to want kids. Having said that, I was always a little afraid that I’d end up resenting them. I don’t thrive in conditions that limit my freedom lol (see: every relationship I’ve ever had). So I totally get the sentiment behind what you told your mom
I love this essay. Some days I think my decision to have dogs has impacted my life in more profound ways than my decision to have kids :-)
Thank you!!!! Honestly, I probably COULD write an essay about how Charlie (the greatest bulldog to ever grace Earth) DID make me a better human lol