I woke up last Thursday with a persistent ache in the upper part of my abdomen that I was sure, bet-my-life-on-it sure, was a massive fart yearning to break free. After so many years of living abroad, I have at least one gastrointestinal episode every time I visit Peru and I was overdue for one. "Today is the day,” I thought and went about trying to release it. No matter what I did—walk, do yoga poses, eat pears, sit on the toilet with an unbreakable willingness to break a thunderous wind—nothing came out. Lying down made the pain unbearable. It was hard to take a deep breath. I told my family I had a stomachache because I don’t bother with accurate anatomy, but I wasn’t experiencing nausea, vomiting, or diarrhea. It wasn’t even affecting my belly. The tightening was closer to my boobs. The Tunnel of Doom that is WebMD convinced me I was having a heart attack.
Off to the clinic I went, where they first told me my travel insurance would not cover anything less than full-blown hospitalization. I went back home and told my mom I was going to die because I couldn’t afford to live. She dragged me back to the clinic, where the ER doctor reassured me these were not my last moments on Earth. I just had gallstones. A fairly common occurrence in women, people over 40, people who take birth control, people with Indigenous ancestry, and people who have inherited my mom’s cursed gallbladder. The lady is such a connoisseur in the matter that, while I was crying about how I probably had stomach cancer, she laughed at my histrionics and diagnosed me before the expert did.
The doctor sent me on my way with a prescription and a reminder to cut back on fat and dairy. “You’ll probably need surgery in 10 or 20 years,” he chirped. Until then there isn’t much I can do. My gallstones are too tiny to blast into smithereens or scoop out like pebbles. I spent a couple of days moping about how I now had to be one of those people who refused a piece of cake at dinner if I had had a cheeseburger at lunch, not because that is my standard diet but because I have never had to exert mental energy on decisions like that. I find those decisions tedious. After several days of feasting on Peru’s fresh fruit and bountiful fish and homegrown avocados and freshly baked whole wheat bread though, I’m over the pity party. Forever thankful for my promiscuous and expansive palate.
Astrologers have been in a tizzy about Pluto leaving Capricorn and entering Aquarius, a transition that is supposed to bring social and radical upheaval. (I recommend Astrology for Writers if you are interested in the topic.) In my particular birth chart, it’s supposed to enter the 6th House which represents your daily work habits, your health, and how they impact each other. Or something like that. That Thursday evening, snug in bed, I read an astrology report and sighed. Here come the gallstones.
Until then, I had been pretty productive! In a great way! Picking at an abandoned novel idea, securing a client project, sending out pitches, and submitting to a literary contest. It all screeched to a halt on Thursday. I’m kind of a wimp once my pain threshold (which is very high) reaches its limits and I’m fairly good about resting when sick so I did nothing else that day. I bounced back quickly. I had no pain the next day and I feel like myself now. I’m eager to keep writing and working.
Nevertheless, I have spent a large chunk of 2023 completely burned out. In October of 2022, I got COVID for the first time. It coincided with a massive client project that I had to push back so I could recover. When I was ready to jump back in, several projects had piled up. My workflow never got back into a good groove. I had awful months where I booked no gigs. When I did get work, it was always an avalanche of projects at the same time. There were many months when I worked into 8 or 9pm and weekends. When I wasn’t working, I was looking for apartments or packing for the move that truly made 2023 the pits.
I've always been good about cooking at home because I enjoy it. I can be very good about running and yoga, but there were months when it felt impossible to fit those in regularly because of client commitments. My skin broke out more in this past year than in my entire adult life, despite using everything my dermatologist recommends religiously. During tax season and that awful move, I consistently woke up in the middle of the night due to financial stress.
Since the year started, I’ve been so happy and relaxed. How could I not? I’m in Peru, staying with my parents, where every need is met. It’s summer and the weather is gorgeous. I drink silly little fresh fruit juices every day. I sleep like a baby. I wish this were my daily existence instead of a respite.
The gallstones probably came tumbling down this week because I’ve spent the last few weeks eating too much ice cream and meat products, but they take time to build. About 10-20 years. However long ago they began to calcify, I can’t help but think that their breaking point is linked to the Annoying Year. A wake-up call that I have to shift how I approach my freelance writing life whether that’s going back to full-time work, getting part-time work, being way more strategic about my clients, or marrying rich, except I’m not hot or submissive enough to marry rich. But I must find a solution! This is not worth my rock-bottom quality of life nor my diminishing health. That’s my mission for 2024.
What I’m Reading
The Secret History by Donna Tart, as inspiration for a novel idea that’s been rolling around in my brain since 2020.
Financial Feminist by Tori Dunlap because I want to be smarter about my meager earnings hahahahahahah. Turns out most of my problems boils down to taxes and credit card debt. Mostly taxes.
Small Fires by Rebecca May Johnson as part of Alicia Kennedy’s book club.
We Are Too Many by Hannah Pittard, a divorce memoir which I might use to inform a pitch idea.
What I’m Watching
Since Hulu doesn’t work in Peru, I paused my subscription and added Apple TV so I could finally watch The Morning Show. The first season was fast-paced and engaging, the second very uneven, and now I’m in the third, thirsting over John Hamm.
I’m halfway through Nyad because I started watching it late at night and fell asleep, but I tried my hardest to stay awake! I was hooked on the story of the 60-something marathon swimmer who reads Mary Oliver’s one precious life line and concludes that swimming from Miami to Cuba, in the shark-infested waters of the Caribbean, was what that poem meant.
What I’m Listening
Maybe it was Argentina’s fucked up elections or the fact that so many close friends traveled to Buenos Aires recently, but I’ve been revisiting the catalogue of the iconic Charly García:
What I’m Downloading
The Ringer Reality TV Podcast is a lifeline in this Bravo-deprived nation. The Creative Nonfiction Podcast is a treasure trove of interviews on the craft.
Shameless Self-Promotion
I still have availability for one or two clients projects in Q1. You can find out more about my professional background on LinkedIn. I’m particularly interested in clients, agencies or organizations that:
Need someone to oversee Spanish-language recording sessions for ad spots. I started doing this last year and absolutely love it! Agencies hire me because I can ensure actors are using the appropriate accent and tone, and sound clear. Since I also have a copywriting background, I can edit the script on the fly if need be.
Want news articles translated.
Require interviews for their projects. Think About Me sections, profiles, internal reports, etc.
My single-session course on writing the artist statement on January 18 is sold out. I’ve had a few people reach out to ask if I provide feedback services on their artist statements. I do! Feel free to respond to this email to inquire about rates.
I’ll also be teaching a one-night workshop on how to use reporting to shape your creative writing projects on March 19.
You can still get a Tarot card reading for 2024! The half-hour virtual sessions are a great way to gain some insight into next year. The suggested donation is $40. Books yours here.
Do you have any previous posts with an example of a pitch you've sent a magazine to do an author interview? I'd love to read that.